I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
