I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
