i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
