hell yes lets make some ravioli
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
