I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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