just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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