I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
