I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
