Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
