I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
