i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
