another moral hangover. fuck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
