I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dear god my vagina.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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