I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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