i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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