so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
