Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
high people should be assigned attendants
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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