..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
