If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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