remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
