I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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