I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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