He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
