i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
