Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
