He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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