The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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