some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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