Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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