She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
