piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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