I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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