Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i will never coherently bang her
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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