i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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