$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
