Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
