Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
