Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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