my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
