Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
