this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
