the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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