She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
