Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nobody cheats on THIS.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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