absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
