wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
