Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize