you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
