Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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