Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
