It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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