I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
