fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
