somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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