You work out of a Hotel?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
