Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
