Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
