If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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