Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
