This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
