Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize