just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
