Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
