what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
