why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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